I feel incredibly stressed and awful right now. The relationship with N remains dead, existing as a series of tetchy SMS back and forths (I blocked WhatsApp) where I try and make clear plans about moving on and she makes them more difficult. She cannot help me move my possessions and she won't vacate the flat for longer than a few days.

As it stands, when April ends, I am homeless, but really it is more like mid-April given that I need to be in another city to teach. Where I live is a real sellers' market. The idea of living with new strangers paralyses me with fear and even then it is hard because I am 40, male, and unsure about how long I need to be around for. The uncertainity is a killer. I could just about afford a flat alone but I need some time to build to a deposit. Either way, despite earning well above average wages, I am pissing up a rope.

I was also turned down for a job today. Another no interview thing. Just flat torched and turfing out.

March 19th

Remember this day when your resolve is troubled, remember this day and how angry you were. Remember how you were held hostage even when your homelessness was considered lesser than her inconvenience. Remember it forever and never ever forgive it.