Work situation hasn't yet resolved itself, which is a pain. A negative one would destroy my current cautious optimism, but at least I am seeing an upswing after some weeks spent in the doldrums.

After a flurry of emails back and forth, I haven't heard from N in nearly a month. I feel I have developed a coping method: I miss her, the part of her I nicknamed pony, the one who was free and silly and fun. But she was not pony for a long time, replaced by an angry and anxious person who didn't like me very much. I miss pony a lot but I was missing pony when N was there. There are odd nights where I go to my pillow and wish she was with me, but not often.

I've spent a lot of time hanging out with my colleagues and having fun. I am sort of smitten with one of them, but I dunno if that is going anywhere so there's no point writing it out.

June 16

Still no work resolution. Now paranoia. I audio-recorded a meeting with a hated boss. The next day I played a short snippet in a work/union WhatsApp group. The day after, two colleagues met said boss, who began by saying "I do hope this meeting isn't being recorded." So there's a rat. Brilliant. A great workplace feeling.

June 27

Still no work resolution. Am in the office beginning to think about packing up my belongings. It's a bit of a performative gesture but also does serve a practical purpose as I can't do it once they take my access away.

Minor contact between N and I.