No direct resolution in the work situation but one is forthcoming: I had an interview at one job as the consequence of a re-application process for my current role, but bumped up to full-time for one more year. There are two people going for four roles and, after the interview, I'd say my chance of being offered the job is about the same as when I went in: 50%. No more, no less.

I have also been tentatively offered full-time and permanent at my other workplace. It is less interesting to me as a place and I fear ending up there as a single man in my 40s as I fear the grip of loneliness setting in. It's the disease I fear contracting the most.

The hope is that I get the shorter role and can use the offer of the second one to improve the role. I don't expect it will work but at least I have some leverage for once.

More contact between N and I. She plays her silly game where she feigns innocuous contact and I respond flatly. She then accuses me of being nasty and not wanting to talk to her. I offer to talk and she demurs citing injury. It's such a boring game.

I can see how much she is hurting. She's having to move out of the flat too (really this was what she was communicating to me) and I just want her to be okay. Part of me just wants yesterday again, but it has gone.

July 21

A resolution but a poor and borderline unacceptable one: everyone who interviewed was offered the job but for 6 months.

I haven't expressly rejected it yet but, pending an offer from Worcester, I am set to.

In the recent days I had been leaning toward Bristol's fixed term offer despite it being insecure. I figured I could get things done there and push myself to get a research project moving, rather than sink into a rut of easy teaching like Worcester seems to bring about. But this is a slap in the face.