Three things to start the year:

i. N and I spoke. She got in touch and I set up a Zoom chat. I was hopeful that there would be a slightly more regretful and positive person on the other end. Instead there was someone who clearly bored and sad and very angry, defensive and unable to answer simple questions that lacked agenda in an honest fashion (ie. "what do you want?"). It was nice to see her face and hear her voice, but it is clear that there is no now rowing back to happiness together.

It is also clear to me that I am a bit smitten with a colleague. There are difficulties here too, but I am testing the waters a little. I shouldn't be vague in a diary, but here I will be.

ii. I am clinging on at work by a thread. My old job has finally come up at my old place, so I applied for it. I hope to cling on here longer, but the way the drain keeps looming as I circle it means I should probably embrace double change if it is available.

iii. My trip through Central Europe was a lot of fun. Krakow is beautiful and worth a return trip. Zilina less beautiful, but interesting and not somewhere I imagine many would get to. Brno was excellent; I had casually eyed up Vienna as a day trip should Brno not offer much, but instead I got an easy 3 days of entertainment and pottering about. Ceske Budejovice saw the cold and snow come in, and a bout of mid-trip fatigue had me snoring away in my warm hotel for much of it (nice li'l town though). Prague is Prague, my home from home. By the last day I was beginning to crave a conversation though.

February 28

Lots of ups and downs this month. I have a job interview tomorrow and I asked C, my colleague and friend, out successfully.

My regular job put me down to 0.4 and I am scrambling wildly to find work elsewhere. I keep getting waves of slightly helpless semi-depression and frustrated anger.

I turned 41.