N and I had a little break in Spain - Zaragoza mostly with a couple of brief stays in Bilbao and Barcelona - which was nice and partly refreshing. We saw a great game of basketball, ate at least four excellent meals, went to the Guggenheim, and I saw my old friend E in Barcelona just before we left.

He looks like hale and hearty in the Catalonian sun. Only partly out of jealousy I have come back from the break gloomy about this country and my prospects in it. I know he has his issues too, so I'm not romanticising things too much.

I applied for a fixed term job at a fairly average university not far from where I live. I don't say that as a knock: I'd quite like to work at an average university rather than a very good one. Anyway, it is moot: no interview, no feedback.

I wonder if I really want the security anyway. Part of me wants to be free, but part of me knows that freedom is useless to a mind this willing to erect limits.

Miserable shit this, really.